How do you juggle it? How do you balance all the things you do? How do you deal with seminary, campus ministry, and family? I have heard these questions over and over for quite some time. Balancing my family life with seminary and service to campus ministry is tough. Yet, by God’s grace I have endured and I am enduring day by day. When they ask me about juggling my time or balancing my family, I have an image where I am holding these spinning plates on sticks. As they spin, I try my best to keep them going and praying that they do not fall. Even if they fall, it’s OK. The question that I ponder is do people ask me that because I am a woman and do they have preconceived expectations for women? I am learning the answer to that question is yes.
I have tried to keep silent, but it does bother me that when most people see me or learn about what I do, they perceive me in some ways as being inferior to my male counterparts. My husband has been in ministry for over 13 years and I have yet to hear any one ask him how he juggles his time between me and the kids. Especially when he was in seminary! Because my husband is a pastor, there is an expectation that I am to jump into some sort of role as being the pastor’s wife. Not only that, but even though now that I am in ministry, I am still expected to “help” him. What does that mean? People really need to think about the things that they say and ponder the meaning and impact behind their words.
So what is the balancing act? Have I been deceived into thinking that I could have it all? Have I been deceived by TV shows like Alice, Wonder Woman, Kate and Allie, Xena Princess Warrior, Benson, and even All in the Family. What about the Enjoli commercial with the woman signing about bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan? Even though this commercial aired during the 1970s and early 80s, it still had an impact on me in believing that I could accomplish anything.
The argument that women and men need to understand is that when you do not allow people to have a choice you in fact become an oppressor! Understand that when you take away an option and enforce your own belief system on someone, you are oppressing them. I am proud to be a mom. I am proud to be a wife. But that is not all that I am. I am a woman called to serve God. I am a woman who has been blessed to find a husband who loves her fully as a woman and who supports my dreams and goals. I am a woman who loves God, her husband, and has been blessed to conceive and deliver two beautiful children who have smiles like a beautiful spring day. I have been blessed by God to do what I love to do and to be in a place that will allow me to grow in the love and strength of Jesus.
I believe that I can have it all. I believe that my daughter can have it all. I believe that it should be her choice to be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, actress, pastor, dancer, or even a homemaker. But guess what? It should be her choice. My daughter may not understand the choices that I have made. She is not fully aware of the sacrifices that her dad has made. But for her, she is able to see her dad do things that her friend’s dads won’t do for whatever reason. Again, that is their choice. What works for my family will not work for yours. My kids have created a bond with their dad that I would not dare exchange. They are confident and secure in knowing that dad is a part of their lives.
Know that there may be some things that may drop, but keep those plates spinning until you find your rhythm. No one should choose for you. You should always be in the position to choose for yourself.
